Monday, August 3, 2009

When Enough is Enough

On Wednesday of our vacation, Mr. Cowboy and I went white water rafting. I haven't uploaded the pictures yet. I have been busy trying to find some new land to buy and trying to get my horses moved. Yesterday, Mr. Cowboy and I were coming home from church when I said, "Oh, we need to go check on Pearl and her filly before we go inside."

As we pulled up to the barn, my father in law and the man that helps him around the barn were hammering up some boards to a stall door and both my fillies were in stalls and the mares were out in the pasture. My father in law decided that today was the day that he was going to wean my horses. Needless to say both my Husband and I were mad. He also tried to wean both fillies in the same stall. That backfired when they started kicking each other. Sigh..........

But when we walked up we asked him what he was doing. He said, "It was time for the babies to be weaned." I replied back with, "They are our horses and we were going to wait just a bit longer until Josephine didn't have a swollen knee and until her hoof was doing better. And could you please call us before you do anything with our horses."

His reply was, "I think you forget that this is my "ranch" and that I can do what I want. You are just trying to take over and this is my land."

Uhm.....sure.....I am defiantly not trying to take anything over, I just want him to leave my horses alone and if he feels the need to do anything with them to just call me to make sure it's okay to do it. I don't think I was asking too much.

The subject was then flipped around to how Mr. Cowboy and I don't ever help out and because of that we need to get our horses off. I put my foot down. Just last week my husband hooked up my FIL's step daughter's mobile home so she could have electricity. For free. On Saturday Mr. Cowboy was in the tack room helping my father in law replace boards and clean up. I clean water buckets all the time. I clean the stalls that my horses are in everyday. I also feed my own horses every day. We also pay for our own feed and hay. So, where is the "not helping"?

I think he just hates the fact that I don't want him messing with Mr. Cowboy's and my horses. My father in law has said before that he wished we had moved to a different place. When the entire reason that we stayed next door to him was because, after Mr. Cowboy's Mom passed away my husband wanted to stay close to his Dad.

So much for trying to help family. I just don't think it's right to just do things to people's horses with out asking. No matter who's land it's on. I am outside everyday taking care of my animals. And this isn't the first time he has done stuff like this. So, what you have done?

All, I asked for was for him not to do anything with my horses. I feed them, clean up after them, and pay for everything they need. Now Mr. Cowboy is talking about moving. I found some land not too far from here where we could put our horses and arena. I just don't want to leave my home.

I just don't get why something so simple as not touching horses that aren't yours has to turn into such a riot.

17 comments:

Tj and Mark said...

Oh Andrea, I am so sorry. He really was out of line. Sometimes family living all on top of each other is difficult and I will be praying for you and Mr. Cowboy. Things will work out in some way. They always do. Really. Just be careful not to burn any bridges.

Mrs Mom said...

TJ is right- it will work out in it's own time. KNow all too well how you feel though girl, and will be praying for you lots!!

Huge hugs from our little corner of the Southland~

The Wife said...

Ah, that's too bad. He was in the wrong. But when it involves dealings with family, the lines get blurred. I would have been upset too and said the same thing. There is a reason the Husband and I live far from both our families. We just love them from a far!

Paula said...

Hang in there friend. I agree with all the comments. I imagine he was tired after caring for all the animals while you took a break. Take over your herd again and look for land.

Melanie said...

I am sorry. It is always tough when things don't go as planned with family...especially in-laws.

I don't blame you for being upset either. I would be as mad as a hornet at him, for weaning my foals without consulting with me first.

Hang in there! It will get better, and I can't wait to see your rafting pictures!!! You are definitely braver than me! :)

Nuzzling Muzzles said...

I don't get it either. If something is going on that affects the land, then yes, your father-in-law can get involved, but weaning is totally about the horses and has nothing to do with the land.

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

Grrr. He had no right to make any decisions about your horses unless there was an emergency. You basically are just boarding your horses in his barn, right? Are you also living on his land? That would not be very good.

Also is the arena yours, or his? I know you've been doing a lot of work on that. Have you also put money into it, too?
Oooh! The tangled webs we weave. I cannot live near any of my family or hubby's family for the same reasons you are experiencing. We only see them a couple times a year and that works great for us and our relationships. Even close family need some space or else the boundaries get crossed and feelings get hurt.

Hang in there,
~Lisa

ezra_pandora said...

It is NEVER easy to live really close to family, even if you are really close and get along. My dad lives right behind us and feels the need to drop in often, using his "emergency" key to let himself in. Yeah. Then he likes to go through our stuff while we're gone and tell people all about things that we get. I'm sorry you are having problems. Sometimes other people just think they know what's best for everyone. I hope you find some place soon and everything settles down.

d2cmom said...

Andrea, I hate to hear the problems with your FIL. Paula probably said it best. I do agree that you should get a bit of land and a barn of your own so that you can manage the horses in your way. I seem to remember that this has happened before. Good luck on finding a place. I'm glad you enjoyed your vacation though.

Adventures of a Horse Crazed Mind said...

Wow! That is really tough! You are 100% in the right... weaning is a big deal, not just some casual decision like throwing an extra flake of hay. You have every right to upset. I wish you the best of luck with finding a solution...and that is what I always have to remind myself to do (as a highly emotional person)...I have to say..."dont get mad, upset, emotional etc... DO something to find a solution, make a decision (like moving) and then back it up without drama. Easier said than done! Good luck!

Michelle said...

I'm sorry that you are having to go thru the same things that we went thru with him years ago. I was hoping that after the MIL passed and then he found his new bride that things would get better but he has not changed. I lost respect for him a LLLOOOONNNNGGGGG time ago and i don't trust him either. I think its great that you found that land and after you get all that stuff figured out you can put up that privacy fence around your property...LOL

Julie Church said...

Business and family don't mix. If this wasn't the first incident...I am sure to say it won't be the last. Better to keep the peace and move the horses than to have the constant contention that these circumstances bring. I am sorry to hear of this selfishness...keep and eternal perspective!

Heather said...

Hi! I found you at The Wife's blog. Sorry to hear you have FIL problems. I can totally relate, except that he's living on our land, yet everything is "his" hmmmm. Hope things get better and your fillies are doing ok.

Karen said...

First of all, I'm so sorry. *hugs*

Second, I've always said that living close family sucks. We live just across the road from my parents and our relationship has been declining for yeas.

Third, obviously FIL has deeper issues. Ugh.

The Wades said...

Sorry, girl! I don't think I can say it any better than all the wise commenters above me. I will pray for peace for all of you.

Danielle Michelle said...

In-laws ar ethe pits aren't they? We've decided that we will always stay nice and far from our parents. Of course I would like to be closer to my mom and dad for visits, but we're keeping Nates' at a VERY healthy distance.
Keep your chin up. One day he's going to feel guilty about how he treats you all. If I come visit I'll kick his butt for you.

Amy said...

get out NOW. RUN as fast as you can. it will only get worse, i promise. the toll this man will take on you, your husband and your marriage will be steep and not worth it. Run for your lives.